You Make Me Feel Stupid

JUNE 2, 2014

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You make me feel stupid.

You make me toss out all logic. Like we throw out used items, I threw out logic like it was waste. In an instant, reason went from being something I depended on, something I needed, to outdated and absurd. All rationale was tossed to the wind, left to float away with whatever was left of my mind.

You make me angry. Why are you such an idiot? So oblivious one moment and so present in the next. I allow you to crawl your way in. You dictate my moves, my every breath. I’ve lost control — I’m spinning, dancing outside the lines, diving headfirst into the only place I’ve ever avoided, and for once I’m not sure I mind.

You bring out the tears in my soul. The ones that are locked away, forever to remain buried inside. That is where I want them, that is where I put them. But you scoop them out and pour them down my face. It makes me feel damp and I hate it and I hate you for doing it.

You frustrate me beyond all belief. I walk away, you follow. I turn my cheek, you linger. God damn it just leave me alone. Like a scent I cannot wash away, I scrub and scrub, but it only reddens my skin. It only makes the burn more prevalent and you hold the remedy.

You make me feel like a child. A fool to my own emotions, you carry me away kicking and screaming and biting. I’m out of breath from the tantrum, on the verge of doing the very thing I swore I wouldn’t, the very thing I viewed as weak. You don’t get to decide how I act or how I feel, but you do. You do.

You make me laugh so hard I snort and it’s not embarrassing, it’s real. Like when the sunshine warms the earth, that’s what it’s like, and when I talk about you my nose crinkles right at the top. You’re giving me wrinkles around the eyes and I don’t even mind.

Because you make me feel alive. For the first time my eyes are opened and it’s breathtakingly blinding. It hurts to see, so I squint. And through my narrowed eyes I peek at you. Just you. You’re not that special, above average looking and a little goofy. But in that quick glimpse I discover I am yours and you are mine.

You make me feel stupid. And that’s alright with me.

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