Pamela Redmond Satran is an author, former columnist for Glamour, creator of the famous list, “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30” and still a Quarterlette at heart.
Which would you rather have, a dog or a boyfriend? True, you don’t have to choose, and in fact one can lead to the other. Yet there are distinct ways a guy is superior to a pooch, and vice versa. A rundown:
7 ways a dog is better than a boyfriend
1. Absolutely no distasteful sexual expectations, beyond the occasional leg hump.
2. Actually obeys your every command.
3. Gain ten pounds? Face broken out? To him, you’re just as beautiful. Really.
4. Watches The Bachelorette with you without indulging in a single eye roll.
5. Even if you were obligated to spend Sunday with your dog’s mother, you bet she wouldn’t make you feel like shit.
6. Always wants to be with you, especially when you’re PMSing.
7. No chance of finding disturbing texts from his ex-girlfriend.
7 ways a boyfriend is better than a dog
1. A dog never picks up the check, even when it’s clearly his turn.
2. A dog can’t even pretend to care about your work issues.
3. Your boyfriend might have bought you a really ugly scarf instead of a ring for your birthday. But from your dog? Nothing.
4. Boyfriend can sometimes be persuaded to perform a back rub, especially in exchange for sex.
5. Chance of getting a latte delivered to you in bed at 7 a.m.: Boyfriend, 7%, Dog, 0%.
6. Boyfriend never gets hair all over your black cashmere sweater. On the other hand, he does leave socks all over the floor. We’ll have to call this a draw.
7. Much better chance of having children with a boyfriend.