The Woman Behind the Curtain

APRIL 28, 2013

We all have issues.  We are all a little bit crazy, for whatever reason.  Each and every one of us has a past – baggage that we instinctively know to keep in storage until it is appropriate to unpack.  But when is the appropriate time to unload our secrets on other people?

When becoming intimately involved with someone, be it a close friend, family member, or most importantly a new partner, there is a time and place to let your guard down and reveal what makes you the person you are.  Maybe you had a rough childhood, or you have been slighted in the past to the point where trust issues rule your behavior in relationships.  Maybe you have experienced trauma, depression, or abandonment, or maybe you have cast these negative experiences on others; we all have skeletons in our closets.

Well, I’m the kind of person who wears my crazy on my sleeve.  I can’t lie, and let’s just say transparency is my vice.  I pick my battles when it comes to relationships because I just wasn’t born with the ability to make good first impressions.   Or second or third ones, for that matter.  I’m awkward and damaged, and I’m just going to be me, which a person can choose to accept or not.

I’ve found recently that if I unload my personal dramas relatively soon after meeting someone, I can brush the possible deal-breakers to the side and the person can choose to deal with my baggage right up front or not.  Why not let them know what they are potentially dealing with?  Sometimes this method blows up in my face, but I have also found some really amazing people this way who always have accepted me, and always will, for the imperfect person I am.

Then there are those people who build up impermeable walls and are seemingly impossible to get to know.  Guarded and careful, this type of person is the exact opposite of me.  It is almost as if you have to prove you are willing to accept the weight of the load they carry before you even know what it entails.  This relationship strategy seems to be the safest way to approach the getting-to-know you phase.  Hiding the insecurities and fears that make each of us vulnerable will assure the object of your desire that you are a good candidate for a relationship.  It lets you brush aside your flaws and present all of your strengths first so that a person can fully appreciate you to the point that they won’t mind your issues when they do come to light.  So if you play it safe, unlike me, when is the appropriate time to allow your guard to slip a little?

Honestly, there is no right time to let another person realize just how crazy you are.  Every relationship is different, and the best thing you can do is feel the other person out as you get to know them.  When you start to feel comfortable in the realization that this person is genuinely interested, you’ll know they won’t head for the hills when facing your OCD tendencies or if you have trouble trusting them on a friend’s night out.

Remember that being yourself trumps playing it safe just to lockdown a relationship.  If a person truly is meant for you, then the aspects of your personality that make you unique, even if you deem them to be a little weird, should be allowed to shine.  That person will stick around because they accept you for you, and after all that is what you want in the end.  That is my theory.  If a man can’t initially handle and appreciate my bluntness and social ineptitude, then he never will, so why bother stressing myself out over numerous attempts to impress him?  Just make sure you don’t already have your children named before you even get to dessert on your first date.  I’ve heard that really freaks guys out, no matter how cool you are.

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