The Breakup Book

OCTOBER 24, 2014

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Over the past few months, whenever I tell someone new that I wrote a book, one of his or her first questions is, “What’s it called?”

The Breakup Book: 20 Steps to Heal a Broken Heart,” I reply. And their next question usually is, “Is it fiction or non-fiction?” “Oh, non-fiction. It’s non-fiction,” I always say back. And then everyone always wants to hear the story.

Well, as the cliché goes, it’s a long story. One that spawned a book.

They say write about what you know. Well let me tell you, I know about a breakup. I lived every single word I wrote. From the unwavering passion to the devastating heartbreak. I loved my man, Mr. My Big, very much. What we had was bliss, then it wasn’t. Throughout our on-off-on relationship, we both did the best we could at the time… for a very long time. And when it was over, life was rough and I did not know how to get by. Breakups have a not-so-funny way of humbling you to something fierce.

So here I was with a breakup to deal with.  A painful one. What was I going to do now? I detail in the book what I did to move on from the hurt, and there’s a reason that this specific part of my life became a published piece of literature.

As a host, producer, writer… I always wanted to pen a book. For the longest time I didn’t know what it was going to be about, I just knew I wanted to add “author” to my resume. A few months into the breakup, I still wasn’t feeling great. I was keeping busy, working my butt off, but I was sad, sometimes angry and definitely missing my man daily. One night in the midst of my misery, I was out to dinner with my mentor’s wife who knows me just about as well as anybody could know someone. I was crying over burgers and red wine, when she turned to me and said, “This is your book.”

The rest is history.

As Paulo Coelho once told Oprah Winfrey in an interview, “So you follow your heart, and then one day you manifest something.” I followed my heart and manifested a book.

Breakups are tough. They are brutal. Sometimes breakups, especially the one I wrote about, are not so cut-and-dry. Nobody wants to experience the agony of heartbreak. But if you’ve ever truly been in love – really, truly in love – you already know you don’t have a choice in the matter.

What I hope for is that my readers understand that someone else has been in their shoes before and not only lived through it, but survived and thrived afterwards. It’s a really important thing for women to know. Every chapter in “The Breakup Book” is a different piece of advice that someone gave me on how to get through the breakup. Each chapter is an action step. I discuss if it worked, didn’t work, and why. It was all trial and error. And it was cathartic. Use the pain to push you forward. The results will be miraculous.

My book begins like this…

In 2010, I went through a disastrous breakup. It was a breakup that dragged on for another year and a half, a breakup that had happened many times before with the same guy. I wrote about it. Slowly, I healed. And then, miraculously, I became awesome.

Yes, I went from a broken heart to a full one. A full one rife with forgiveness, compassion and self-love. Did it happen overnight? No. Definitely not. But with patience, grace and the right approach, hearts can and do heal. All the love that had nowhere to go after my breakup, I put that love on myself and it was only then that I became the strong, empowered woman I am today.

I suggest to anyone going through this process, cut yourselves some slack. Be vulnerable. Everyone has been through heartbreak in one form or another and it’s how one deals with it that makes the difference. I turned my experience into a book, which provides readers with a roadmap to finding themselves again – stronger, wiser selves. No one said healing a broken heart was going to be easy. But I can promise it will be worth it. Trust me. I learned from experience.

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