Have you ever found yourself in a relationship from age 19 to 26, and then six weeks before you were supposed to get married you break up and find yourself suddenly in the middle of this world called dating… or, is that just me? Being in my mid-twenties and single for the first time since I was a teenager is turning out to be quite an adventure.
For the last seven years I have been in a relationship that helped define who I was as a person. Transitioning from young adulthood into full-blown adulthood on your own can be difficult. But once you’ve gotten used to having that person next to you, it can be quite a journey trying to become your own person when you suddenly find yourself without them. The journey is even more fascinating when it starts in the middle of your twenties. I am currently on the path to finding out who I am as a single person in my twenties… What is my ‘type’ of guy? How many dates do I go on before I sleep with someone? If a guy isn’t taller than me or doesn’t make as much money as me, is that a deal breaker? I’ve never had to answer any of these questions before.
I was engaged to be married to someone who for a long time I thought was my Prince Charming and the one person I’m supposed to be with forever. When you’re with someone for so long, eventually you have to make a choice… do we get married or do we break up? There really doesn’t seem like there are any other options. Since we were very content in our current situation and it seemed like the next step, we decided we were going to get married. But after seven years, we had become so comfortable that we ignored the obvious problems in our relationship. So the adrenaline from getting engaged kept us going until eventually those problems I ignored had resurfaced and more issues started occurring. I could sense that we were drifting apart but I overlooked the warnings and continued trying to live out my fairy tale fantasy.
A few weeks prior to officially calling off the wedding, my fiancé began to repeatedly say that he didn’t know if he wanted to get married. In response, I began to compromise myself and what I believed in to try and fix everything. I was certain that if I believed in us that would be enough. But after all my efforts he just continued saying “I don’t know.”
Then one day I had enough. I couldn’t believe that I was sitting here listening to him say that to me. I was just letting him drag me along while he tried to decide if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I knew in my heart, at that moment, that this was not how my life was supposed to be going and this is not who I am supposed to be living out my fairy tale with. So I stood up for myself. I let him know that ‘I don’t know’ is not an answer. I deserve someone who is running down the aisle they are so excited to marry me, not someone who isn’t sure.
And from that moment on my whole life changed. I instantly became a stronger, more independent, and more confident woman. I know that I deserve better – that I deserve an actual Prince Charming. Life is too short and too much fun to waste my time in a situation that isn’t the best for me.
So now I am 26 and single for the first time since I was 19. I’m finally figuring out who I really am as a woman without someone beside me. Even though the path to get here wasn’t easy, I could not be more excited to start this new chapter.