Loves Me, Loves Me Not

OCTOBER 30, 2013
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Photo by Rachel Greenspan

“I have been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted, where is he?”- Sex & the City

This is the ever-famous question of Charlotte York in “Sex & the City” and I do not think she is alone.  Millions of women around the world are asking the very same & simple question.

Currently, as a single New Yorker, I find myself asking a similar question – with a million single men living in NYC, why is it so difficult to meet Mr. Right?  Even though I rushed to NYC with a month’s notice for the “ideal” job, I did fantasize about having a happily ever after of my own or at least meeting Mr. Big and getting married ten years later.  As a fabulous and flirty twenty-something living in this city, I decided there are a few paths I could take for a “dating” life.  Just as I thought my years of Samantha Jones were over, I found out I was mistaken.

With a couple serious relationships, several semi-boyfriends, too many random hook-up buddies, and a few stalkers under my belt, I decided, as I approached my late 20’s, that it was time to focus on just ME.  There is no better time to improve the most important relationship in my life, the one I have with myself (another great lesson from SATC).

I learned that if I couldn’t love myself, my body or accept my actions then I could not fully love ME nor would anyone else. This resulted in what I like to call the Summer Hibernation of 2013. Final outcome as we approach Fall? I feel better than I have in years, physically and emotionally.  I finally do not give a shit what anyone thinks of me (well, for the most part), and I do not waste time on men or women who do not want to be a part of my life.

After discovering that I must love myself before a man could love me, I made one vital rule for myself: I will not reach out to men anymore. Plain, simple and easy to live by. Obviously easier said than done, because when I meet someone I am prone to immediately envisioning myself 50 years into the future with that handsome man I bumped into at Starbucks or eye screwed on the subway.  But if I do not create a fake emotional relationship with this person, then I am not setting myself up for failure.

Perfect example: I’m out on the town with a girlfriend, in a fancy dress with a sea of eligible bachelors (hopefully) surrounding me. I scan the room and find an attractive catch for the evening. Drinks are involved, life stories are shared, compliments are given and the digit exchange brings the evening to an end with the sun rising. This time, I don’t text him first. I hear from him, and instead of getting all excited and going over-the-top with text messaging, I just play it cool.  By taking things in stride instead of immediately conjuring up visions of my dream wedding with this new potential beaux,  I can enjoy dating instead of fearing failure.  One bonus tip: I always assume he isn’t going to call right away due to the gap in maturity between us.  But hey, it is every girl’s dream to be a cougar, right?

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