I should have known it when I saw the “Carly Rae Jepson” playlist on his Pandora that my milkshake would not bring him to my yard.
And that’s how it began on a hot September night back in 2011. All on a little intuition I ignored once the libations kicked in.
Months later after being on numerous marathon dates, I was never invited up. Was he married? Living in a monastery? Or even worse… gay? For dropping him off every single time, I should have at least gotten an invite up, right? And here you are probably wondering… why is SHE dropping him off? That is a completely different conversation.
Being the project manager in relationships (and LEO female that I am), I stuck around hoping things would turn around and change for the better. Could this one day encompass the vital tripod needed for a relationship to stand still: mental, emotional and physical connectivity? I wish I had remembered a friend’s advice: “Never be with someone based on their potential.”
Months later (again), I had been invited up but now I was twiddling my thumbs wondering why I woke up in bed to a good friend who cared deeply for me. The relationship started wearing on me like a bad preacher in church. You start wondering why you’re even there, but feel shallow if you leave prematurely without attempting to understand.
The empty promises kept popping up, and no matter what I did, I felt like the man in the relationship, always initiating the change we needed to “get close.” But I couldn’t get close. Spooning wasn’t enough. I needed to fork! (Sorry!)
Were these the red flags I denied?
-Going on a vacation with a friend everyone else thinks is gay, and lying about it
-Eating shrimp with just your thumb and pointer finger – pinky in the air like a
lady’s tea party toast, but with shrimp
-Seeking therapy from a sex therapist that specializes in transgender, bisexual and homosexual clients (discovered through my own research)
-Dancing with one hand on your hip and shaking it like a soul sista
For twenty months I dealt with someone struggling so much to find himself that instead, he just latched onto me. He became vegan because I did. He ran races because I did. During that time, a number of very close friends indirectly hinted at the obvious that I denied as I kept those rose colored glasses on. I just could not admit to what was right in front of my eyes even though deep inside, I knew something wasn’t right.
Fast forward to two months ago, and never in my life have I gotten over a relationship so quickly. With every past relationship, it took watching the entire series of Sex and the City, sometimes two rotations, for me to finally feel alive and whole again. This one took a season and a half. Barely. Was he gay? Did he just have serious intimacy issues? Whatever it was, I hope he doesn’t continue this in his next relationship. If you can’t be true to yourself, you certainly cannot be true to anyone else around you.
So if he purses his lips like Chris Bosh does in pictures (people say he cannot take a normal picture anymore), or wants to watch Magic Mike because he claims there is an actual story to it (c’mon ladies, you know what are we REALLY watching it for), consider these huge red flags. If he gives you involuntary celibacy for almost two years…run. Sprint. And be thankful you are able to feel like a real woman again once you escape. I know I am.