Photo credit: abc.com
Well hey there. It’s BatchSlap Ben again, and I’m back for another one of my periodic Quarterlette drop-bys in which I update you on the wild world of a little TV show called Property Virgins. Just kidding, The Bachelor. And of course, don’t forget to check out this week’s recap at BatchSlap.com, and give me a little follow on the Tweet Machine at @getbatchslapped.
Every season of the Bachelor needs its villain, whether it’s an instigator around the house, the proverbial “girl who’s there for the wrong reasons,” or Magneto, who got kicked off Prince Lorenzo’s season during the first rose ceremony.
Last time, it was Courtney, who burrowed inside Ben’s brain the very first week and did whatever it took to stay there, right up until the end. This time, it’s Tierra. Oh, Tierra! Universally loathed, friendless, highly self-injurious Tierra. Nobody likes her either — not even Sean, it turns out — but the two are in no way the same. Courtney was a masterful player of the game, and did so with minimal histrionics, when you really look at the whole picture; Tierra was essentially 100% histrionics with very little game to play. And now that she’s gone, I think it’s high time to evaluate her entire body of work. Let’s run down their differences, shall we?
Courtney: Was at least 5-foot-10.
Tierra: Is slightly shorter than the guy who sat inside R2D2. Yes, a little tiny man sat inside R2D2 all that time.
Courtney: Went to a river, then caught a fish while none of the other girls caught anything, raising suspicions about possible help from the producers, but also impressing Ben and earning her some solo time.
Tierra: Jumped into a frigid lake, then faked hypothermia to get attention, while all of the other girls seemed like they were in a slightly below-ideal-temp hot tub.
Courtney: Threw her bikini off and sprinted into the ocean with Ben.
Tierra: Threw herself down the stairs just to get three fully-clothed minutes with Sean.
Courtney: Said “I’m a nice girl, don’t f#%k with me.”
Tierra: Drove Robyn to say that if Tierra wants the Bad Girls Club, she’ll give her the damn Bad Girls Club.
Courtney: Speaks to tarantulas like they’re very adorable two-year olds.
Tierra: Doesn’t speak to anybody except Sean and producers that she’s trying to convince to let her break the rules again.
Courtney: Took lots of private jet and helicopter rides.
Tierra: Has been reduced to coach travel on public planes, driving her to hit on random guys in the airport.
Courtney: Is a professional model.
Tierra: Is not a professional model.
Courtney: Got a free Neil Lane engagement ring.
Tierra: Got a bracelet from a lady at a folding table, then got sent home.
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